Kyi Aye - often yearns

[1]

Last night, I still dreamt of my uncle. I don't dream of my uncle very often. I think my uncle is always with me, because he is always in my mind. That night, I dreamt of my uncle. The night was cold and cold. It was dark and snowy. I couldn't see anything in the distance. I stared at what I couldn't see, and then I fell asleep in the lounge chair on the veranda. Then I dreamt of my uncle again.

My uncle was far away from me. I looked up at my uncle's beautiful white face and stared at it as if it had never been seen before. It seemed to me that he was getting closer, but somehow, my uncle was gone. I didn't call him "uncle."

At dawn, I remembered my uncle's thick eyebrows and eyelashes. His pink lips were close to my ear, as if they were about to speak. So I cried, "Uncle, come to me, come to me," and I lay on my stomach on the bed. While I was crying, I didn't know that my uncle would never come to me.

In my dream last night, I thought that my uncle's hair was very long and flowing. I thought that I couldn't be satisfied with my uncle's long and short hair. I didn't like my uncle's beautiful hair and his hair was flowing. I thought that if I felt a little bit of my uncle's heart beating faster, I would be able to tie my uncle's hair. I had never seen my uncle tie his hair. I wanted to see it. But I never saw it again.

When my uncle first arrived in our town, his hair was shorter than mine. They thought he was a Shan woman. They were always wondering what was in his bag that he always carried on his shoulder. They were fascinated by his black cotton shirt. He wore a worn-out, soft red and green shirt, and his short, short stature made him look strange. Those who saw him once would not look at him twice, saying that he was beautiful, but they would turn around three or four times, thinking that he was strange.

Just like that, when my grandfather arrived, with his hair disheveled and his clothes dirty, he ran down to the beach with joy, not knowing what would happen next.

The day of the wedding, I remember the wind blowing the sand from the beach. The Ayeyarwady River could not flow smoothly down to the lower part as usual. The waves were disturbing. The water was still clear, still white, and if you took a sip of the water from the middle of the river with your hands, it would still be sweet. It immediately became cold and the clouds seemed to thicken, but the late afternoon rain is not good for our city. The rain did not fall on my back in a single drop.

While I was still swimming, I heard the name “Athwe” for the first time, which I would one day be called. They said that I was not a good swimmer. They said that I was the son of the king and the daughter of a Shan woman. I could no longer swim well. I no longer floated in the middle of the river and rode the waves with my long-sleeved shirt as usual. This was because Athwe had arrived at Daw Mya Min’s house, which was at the head of our house.

My uncle, as is the custom in a small town surrounded by the Kachin Mountains, did not seem to care about the fact that news spread easily and people came to see it. I did not know if my uncle was pretending. My uncle and Daw Mya Min's sister were talking. I also pretended to be interested in the yellow chrysanthemums and looked at my uncle. I was not among those who came to see and then went back. I did not feel like going back, but I felt a kind of sadness in my heart. Daw Mya Min's house was standing in the corner, kicking a guava tree.

I noticed the wide-eyed look in my uncle's eyes. I didn't like the way he sat so stiffly. I thought the silver buttons on his black shirt and the silver cup and bear's tooth hanging from his chain were ugly. At that time, I didn't see my uncle's infamous bag.

Daw Mya Min's younger sister didn't raise her face much in front of her uncle. She bowed her head and kissed him. She heard him call her "Mama, Kaley." Her uncle didn't speak much with great restraint, but whatever he said was surprisingly soft and pleasant, and his tone was so calm that he felt at ease.

Love is not the beginning, uncle. After breakfast, I spent the whole day wandering around with my four-legged friend and came back from swimming in the evening. When I think back now, the 19-year-old boy who was not even two years old, still believes that he is the only one who is obsessed with his uncle's image, and if not with his soulmate, then he is the same. It is true that he did not know how to pronounce the word love at that time. However, his fingers were trembling. He did not know that he would soon cry, but he wanted to cry. Even among the chrysanthemum trees, it was the same until the sun set and the rain fell. Now, thinking back, it could be said that this was the beginning. However... uncle. After seeing uncle, I could not say that I loved him immediately, and I did not think that others would understand his beauty. I thought that I loved him before I had seen him or heard him before. In the same way, even after my death, I think my love for my uncle will remain in a strange way. Sometimes, I think that a great force called love, which lives on earth and reaches beyond the clouds, comes into my body and creates a beautiful figure called “uncle.” Therefore, I am somewhat satisfied when I can say that my uncle is my own, the person I have been close to since the beginning of my life.

If only I could have known in advance everything that would happen from then to now, I would have held your hand and run away at once. As I was saying this, I wanted to hit my jaw with my fist. I had always said that. It was too late, it was too late. In fact, it had been half a cycle since I started saying this, but it was only today that I really became late. Even if it was yesterday, it was not too late. There are many things in the world that are impossible, but there are also many things that are possible. However, I want you to forgive me. Forgive me. I know that I am the one who will have to apologize.

In fact, my uncle is either forgiving or not hurtful, or he smiles when he doesn't want to. I can never say which. My uncle makes me feel sad, that's all I know.